As Director of Services, I have often been called in by the children of aging parents to help them convince their loved ones to start using home care services.  It is one of the most difficult situations for families to go through.  How do you convince a mature adult to accept in home help when he or she has taken care of everything all your life and has been self sufficient up until now?  Especially older adults who are proud of their independence and self-reliance.

Forcing home care never works.  The senior has to be at least agreeable to give it a try.  If your loved one is saying no, try using an excuse that you both agree on as a reason to need home care services.

"I understand and agree that you don't need someone to babysit you.  But we both recognize that the doctor said you cannot drive anymore.  Home care is a way to help you get your errands done and provide reliable transportation to appointments."

If your loved one says no because of cost try saying:

"The cost comes second to your health and safety.  The cost of you falling and getting injured or forgetting to take your medications and getting sick will be much greater."

How to approach the situation:

1. Don't argue.  Always listen to your loved one's reasons and try to first understand why he or she is being resistant.  Then address that reason.

2. Be honest.  Don't lie about the costs, arrangements, or the reasoning for needing home care.  If you lose your loved one's trust you've already lost the battle.

3. Start small.  Try having a caregiver begin a schedule for two days a week for the minimum hours per day (about 3 hours).  This will ease your loved one into the new arrangement. 

4. Take the focus away from helping your loved one and discuss how the home care services will help you to have more free time.  It will help your loved one to not feel like a burden.

5. Get the primary doctor to recommend it.

6. Give your loved one the decision making ability.  Allow him or her to meet the caregiver first, decide on the schedule of care, and decide on the care plan.

These strategies aim to reinforce your loved one's independence, acknowledge and understand his or her fears or hesistations to begin, and allow you to discuss and address the issues. 

Many families deal with resistance and overcome it eventually.  It takes time for some older adults to adjust and accept the fact that they are not able to do the things that they always did before.  We as the younger generation must be understanding and supportive as they go through the changes in lifestyle and physical health.  More often than not they will realize that accepting help is better than trying to manage without it.