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Ever Feel Like You're Parenting Your Parents?
Don't Get Stuck in Role-Reversal:
"Mom, you have to do this or you will get sick!"
"Dad, did you take your medicine like you were supposed to?"
"Mom, you can't eat that because it will affect your health!"
Role reversal happens often when adult children have elderly parents. How does it happen? Is it okay to become the parent when you're the child?
Role reversal happens often because we take responsibility for our parents' health. Adult children feel that keeping their parents healthy, safe, and protected is their job because they love them and want them to feel well. There also is a feeling of giving back the same TLC that their parents gave them in their youth.
Role reversal also happens because seniors themselves behave in "child-like" ways due to dementia, chronic pain, or an illness. They can forget how to use the bathroom, neglect their personal hygiene, or skip medications due to limitations in mental and physical capacity.
It is important to remember that children act like children because they are young, are in learning mode, and are growing. Seniors may behave in ways that we deem as "child-like" because they are coping with declining health and the aging process. They have lived a lifetime, raised their children, had careers, and are older adults.
The best way to handle role-reversal is not to get sucked into it. It's okay to remind mom to take her medicine but don't say it in a way that makes her feel undignfied. Instead try saying, "Because I love you and want you to be healthy, I have to ask. Did you take your medicine today?" Or try saying, "Mom, you know I worry about you because I love you and want you to be healthy. It would give me peace of mind if you would use your walker when you are up and moving about."
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